Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Poor Wiener

I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I feel sorry for Anthony Wiener.

No I haven't lost my mind. I haven't changed my mind about politicians or philanderers. I haven't even really changed my mind about Wiener, but I have rediscovered the meaning of "it takes two to tango."

And oh boy, check out Mr. Wiener's dance partner.

I'm not sure I can stomach going through her entire, um, "guidebook" again, but let's see if we can't hit some key points. Pink italics are quotations from Ms. Leathers; hopefully that makes them more palatable so we can all get through this without vomiting.

"I know a lot of people judge me..., but I don't think it is their right to judge. We all have what we want to do in life and what our own personal standards are."

Ok, well, what I want to do in life is judge you. So. Hard.

"Why does having a sexting affair with a married man...make someone a "bad person"? Give me a break. I'm not a war criminal. I'm a human being who has made certain choices, some of which involve my sexuality."

Why does being a war criminal make someone a "bad person"? I'm not an adulteress. I'm a human being who has made certain choices, some of which involve mass murder. Right. As we'll see shortly, proving that Ms. Leathers is a "bad person" takes very little effort, even if we allow her the Kit-Kat defense on the adultery issue.

"For me, Anthony Weiner was a weird science experiment."

 Note how this is a totally not weird way to talk about a person with whom you were romantically involved. Nope, nothing sociopathic to see here, folks.

"Anthony says he hasn't been cheating on Huma for six months. Wrong. He last contacted me as recently as April 12. Straight up lies."

Why does lying make someone a "bad person"? Give Wiener a break. He's not a war criminal. He's a human being who has made certain choices, some of which involve his, well, wiener.

"We were like a little obsessed with each other. I do feel disloyal to him now, but I don't think I owe him anything."

I don't think I owe him anything.

I don't think I owe him anything.

Again, this is a super normal way to view a lover, guys. Completely sane.

"As far as Huma and his son, those are not my choices... I don't believe there is some "sister's code." ... Otherwise, infidelity wouldn't exist. All is fair in love and war. I'm not the one who is married. I'm obviously responsible for everything I've done, but I'm not running for mayor of New York City."

Translation: I can't think of a way to put Huma and the kid at fault, so instead I'll wash my hands of responsibility by blaming Wiener first and then other women who cheat. Then I'll throw out a tired platitude that no one really believes, after which I'll realize probably no one will buy that and go back to deflecting everything onto Wiener. I proudly own my choices, of course, but it would be totally wrong of you to judge me for them or to hold me accountable in any way.

P.S. You fucking worked for him, you little shit.

"...pretend like you're thinking about them 24/7... They want to be coddled like a baby. Basically, pretend like you're dating the middle school version of yourself. Like the prepubescent horny teenage girl with all these emotions. Lovey dovey bullshit, basically. Little stuff like "I'm thinking about you" or "I miss you.""

Holy shit, if that isn't the most heartless dismissal of another human being's emotional needs I've ever seen. That is, until I read the rest of this "guide." P.S. didn't she just say they were mutually obsessed? But now it's all pretend? Huh.

"#2: Be a little coy...
Dangr33: did you let a boy take off your party dress? (h/t elvis costello)
Sydney: Nope. I was a good girl."

"#3: Be prepared to make the first move, play on his ego and resist being sexual when he wants to be sexual."

See above. Also, shouldn't these be three separate steps?

"#4...torture him by playing hard to get"

HEALTHY people who shouldn't be judged ALWAYS advocate torture in their relationships. THIS IS ALL TOTALLY NORMAL, PEOPLE!

Okay, get ready, because my favorite paragraph is coming up.

"Yes, Anthony is married with a child. So you have to be comfortable that some people are going to brand you as an evil home wrecker. Don't read the negative comments or tweets. You just kind of have to own it and be honest and keep your head up no matter what people think of you."

Be honest.

Be honest.

Also, I cannot credit the possibility that Ms. Leathers ever declines to read something about herself. Moving on. Here's where my heart starts to break a little on Wiener's behalf.

"Also, for the record, I didn't ask for any dick pictures. He brought it up first. And then I acted uninterested and then he acted shy and it was this thing that was a drug for a while. He even told me that he was nervous. And then he sent it and said, "If this gets out anywhere, I will know that you did it." How sexy is that? That's a total turn on. He actually labeled the first one "For Syd." How sweet. The other one was called "Hangin'."

Even when he asked me to delete them, I would keep it just in case. Like a security blanket. I said that I did, but I didn't. He could easily say I was stalking him."

Don't forget to be honest, kids! Seriously, though, this is too cruel. She worms her way into the guy's pants only to laugh right in his fucking face, along with the entire goddamn world. Can you imagine if a dude did this with some girl's, I don't know, vag shots or something? He would likely go to jail. I mean, look at how this guy, a clear victim of abuse, was treated for exposing his abuser. The double-standard would make me sick if I weren't already at my maximum capacity for nausea.

From this point on, she seems to be getting off on sharing the intimate and FUCKING PRIVATE details of her relationship with Wiener (her apparent "fetish" is way more fucked up than his), and I'm not going to give her another venue for that. I'll leave that to the bullshit feminist rags. In fact, I feel like I owe Wiener an apology for reading these dirty details that are none of my business, particularly since I'm not a constituent. So thanks, S. Leathers, for putting me in debt to political slime.

It's all downhill from here, folks. I don't even know what to do with #8 (get a sugar-daddy with whom you don't have sex). I take it this is her showing off how marketable she is. Oh, honey. This entire article is splattered with your ugly orange mug, not to mention your sociopathic drivel. No one looking at this is going to come away envious of that mess.

"And don't be too proud for selfies."

She's clearly taken her own advice here. Lucky us. I suddenly feel compelled to PayPal her $600. Haha, yeah right.

"I am so vague in everything that I say. Everything is really short and to the point."

Whew, we made it! So to summarize: on the other side of every slimy, cheating man, is a far slimier, sociopathic borderline/narcissistic woman. Every. Fucking. Time. Ms. Leathers is not the sad exception; she is the norm. She's the modern "liberated" woman feminists have always dreamed of, and she currently occupies prime real estate on their pedestal. If only she had castrated the guy literally instead of merely emotionally and politically; then she'd be a real hero of womanhood.

Hm, somehow I got to the end of this without saying "cunt," so...CUNT!

To sisterhood,

S. Misanthrope

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