Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Availability

I don't know if it's just me getting older or what, but I've suddenly found myself on the receiving end of a slew of unwanted offers for extra-marital carrying-ons. For the last five years it's been "Hey baby, are you single? No? Aw, too bad for me. Bye bye!" Which I'm very, very cool with. I can't remember if I wrote about this before or not, but I'm actually a huge fan of cat-calls and flirtation generally. But part of the point of being in a committed relationship is having an easy way out of these types of situations.

Well, it's been a magical 5 years, but it's now apparently over. Now "I'm married" is heard more as a jumping off point to start negotiations than a shut-down. If there's some other magical combination of words that can just close that door completely, I haven't found it yet. "Married and happy?" "Married and monogamous?" "Married and just really, really busy?" How about "No means no?"

So let's just lay this out there clearly for all the world to see: unless you recently played Sherlock Holmes in a) a British television series or b) an American movie, I AM NOT INTERESTED.

Seriously, though, Robert Downey Jr. should call me.

Monogamously yours,

S. Misanthrope

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