Friday, May 24, 2013

My Bad

I've made a huge mistake.

Every since the pilot episode of the NBC spy comedy Chuck first aired on September 24th, 2007 and introduced us to super-sexy superspy Sarah Walker (and her super-tiny agency-issued spy lingerie that is completely necessary for her job, obviously), I've been telling everyone who would listen that Yvonne Strahovski is the most beautiful woman alive. I was so wrong. Ms. Strahovski is the second most beautiful woman alive. The "Most Beautiful" title always has, and always will, rightfully belong to this divine creature:

Mm, most definitely. Portia de Rossi absolutely takes every kind of attractiveness-related cake there is, and Fox can suck all the dicks for cancelling Arrested Development in 2006 (February 10, 2006, a day that shall live in infamy) and causing me to forget her. ABC, I know you tried, but Better Off Ted is better off unwatched. Luckily Netflix has saved the day, and that pretty much sums up my Memorial Day weekend plans. Anyway, let's look at more pretty pictures, shall we?

Has anyone every looked better barefoot and in a domestic setting? And Portia de Rossi's charms don't end there. Lindsay Bluth may have won "Best Hair" in high school, but Ms. de Rossi (de Generes?) wins best hair in life:

It literally doesn't matter what she does with it, it looks amazing. Curls that would make me cry myself to sleep every night?

She rocks it. Bun so tight it may as well be a bald cap?

 She rocks it. Absurdly dikey 'do that reminds one of something about some chick named Mary?

Somehow she rocks it. She even got through her obligatory teen horror/weird eyebrow phase with grace.

If they fire January Jones and replace her with Portia, I would actually start watching Mad Men again (and believe me, that's saying something).

No one has ever worn business formal better than this woman. She absolute owns the balance of professionalism and sex appeal. She looks like she could kick your ass in a contract negotiation, and you kinda want to let her at the same time that you kinda want to make her your "secretary."

The most amazing part is how it all seems to be completely effortless. For example, here are just a few of the candid shots of her the are basically magazine-quality, all from the same red carpet event:

 How is this even possible? On top of all this, the woman is hilarious!

 Not to mention the perfect counter-point to another of my top five most bodacious babes, Ms. Lucy Liu, the only known instance of freckles being a good thing,
Anyway, I'm very sorry, Portia, for my transgressions. I never meant to be such a fickle admirer. Also that whole anorexia thing and the Prop 8 business, those also suck, but those aren't my fault. I can't wait to watch you be amazing on Sunday and to see the rest of your amazingness unfold throughout your life. I wish you so much success and happiness and lesbian cuddles with Ellen (by the way, you also have the "cutest Hollywood couple" award in the bag).

I hope that I, like Netflix, have unmade a huge mistake here.

All my X's and O's,


P.S. In my defense:


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