Friday, February 10, 2012

An Open Letter to People Using Instagram

Dear People Using Instagram:

Congratulations. You've done it. You've successfully become the most annoying people on Facebook.

I thought nothing on Facebook could possibly be more annoying than Spotify updates, but I was wrong. Instagram has combined the unbearable obnoxiousness of food pictures with the retinal irritation of sepia filters. It is now so easy to make your dull pictures even duller through superficial gimmicks that what used to be an easily-ignored trickle of boring images in my Facebook feed has become a torrent devouring everything in its path. What little valuable content remains is lost in the flood.

The one thing preventing this bombardment of inanity from completely destroying the internet is that little warning flag "posted via Instagram." Without that, I would never be able to safely browse pictures of adorable kittens again. I also would never be able to instantly block anyone whose updates include that phrase. But this is a frail defense against a mighty and persistent enemy. The destruction of all that is good in photography is inevitable.

I just want to know: what hater of values thought it would be a good idea to make the worst aspects of Photoshopping *even more accessible* to the common idiot? Who wakes up one day and says "I have a great idea that will empower people who have no skills or taste to produce crap at such a rate that they will completely drown out the few remaining sources of true artistry in our culture?" I hope he drowns in a flaming pit of monkey feces and that lots of pictures of it are "posted via Instagram" so I can watch the glory through every available filter that "transforms the look and feel" of the experience.

Normally I would end a letter like this by begging you people to stop ruining my life, but this time I actually don't want you to do anything. Just keep on going, because whenever you use Instagram, I make a mental (and physical) note to never again take you seriously about anything. And that is going to come in really, really handy during election season.

Affectionately yours,

S. Misanthrope

No comments:

Post a Comment