Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Why Google+ Will Win

I joined Facebook when it first started. When it was still something like an actual face book. When it wasn't weird to be friended by people you went to high school with because I was actually in high school. Before news feeds and laughably ineffective security settings and Farmville. Facebook has had access to ten years of information about me, information that should enable targeted marketing the likes of which Don Draper couldn't even dream of. 

And, as of 10AM PST today, here is what Facebook has done with all that information:


Facebook gains access to ten years of snarky posts about non-visible art, debates over whether the works of Van Gogh would be better used as toilet paper or kindling, and the exact phrase "abstract art is invalid and I poop on it" repeated at least a dozen times, and they say "Hey, I bet this girl would really love some 'design objects.' Let's send her an ad for a vaguely elephant-shaped white globular structure with no apparent purpose. Yeah, the more it looks like an origami footstool made from a leukocyte, the better."

I'm pretty sure Facebook's ad generating algorithm looks something like this:

Girl or Boy?

Girl                                                                                    Boy

Gay or Straight?                                                                 Gay or Straight?

Gay                           Straight                                       Gay                           Straight

Send ads for:

Sales on anything        Sales on anything           Sales / dating services       Dating services

Advertisers, you are incompetently sexist mutherfuckers.

On the flip side, I joined Google+ exactly one day ago, and it already has the wherewithal to read my Facebook feed to recommend I check out specific restaurants when I get to Bora Bora. Booyah.

Smooch smooch,

S. Misanthrope

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