This morning I found myself on my bike at a crosswalk, biding my time for a moment when the foot traffic would clear enough for me to make my turn. A cyclist to the right of me had already forced his way through rather aggressively, but I elected to wait patiently rather than cause yet another person to conclude that all cyclists are dicks.
I was waiting on one woman in particular, and she was just half a step from being far enough along for me to move on with my commute. But as I balanced on the pedals, anticipating my moment of release, the woman stopped, backed up two full steps, put her cell phone away from her ear and yelled at me. "Watch out for me!" she shrieked. I told her politely that I was looking out for her and that if she would just continue moving in a predictable manner instead of turning around in the middle of the goddamned street for no reason, there wouldn't be an issue.
Look, I get it: cyclists suck. We plow down the sidewalk, we make illegal turns, we run red lights. We don't even use the bike lane half the time. Collectively, we are totally lame, even lamer than our attire would suggest. But we aren't all idiots, and I really do think we could get along if we try. For instance when I am going out my way to minimize the risk I cause to you while you are in the middle of the street on your fucking cell phone, when I am being overly cautious because I know some misfiring synapse in your withered brain may at any moment cause you to spasticly move in some inconceivable direction, maybe you should show a little goddamn courtesy.
Or at least walk in a straight fucking line.