Unfortunately while my eyes do possess a superpower that I will have to tell you about later, they do not have picture-taking abilities. But if they did, here are some pictures from just the past week trolling around SF that I could share with you:
1. The best hipster 'stache ever. Seriously, this was a mustache so bad, not even Daniel Day-Lewis could make it look reasonable. This was a mustache to make all other mustaches feel embarrassed for being mustaches. Plus he was on a bike, carrying a messenger bag, and definitely did not fit properly into his skinny jeans. Hint: the kind of people who do fit properly into skinny jeans is hidden in the name "skinny jeans." Damn, I wish I were quicker with the iPhone camera to capture his full, er, glory.
2. If that wasn't enough, I later saw a [kid? punk? moron? all of the above?] with a mustache...on the back of his head. No joke. And he wasn't some ironic hipster, he was a wannabe gangster Mexican high schooler. Now while I don't "get" thug fashion aesthetically, I can at least understand it from a utilitarian perspective. Baggy clothes really are much easier to hide weapons under. But what is the backwards 'stache for? So you can draw eyes and a nose on the back of your otherwise shaved head to confuse potential witnesses? So the police will think they're chasing Mr. Potato Head? So you can hide the embarrassing bunny tattoo on your neck? All of these explanations make more sense than what was likely his real motivation: thinking it would be a big hit with the ladies.
3. It's not all bad though. I did catch a couple of ridiculously cute personalized license plates last week. One was on a fully customized new Beetle with flower-shaped rims and taillights that said "FlwrPwr." Ok, seriously, how early do you have to wake up to snag that plate, especially in California? Probably not as early as the driver of the otherwise totally unremarkable car I saw heading toward the I-80 onramp with the plate "lol jk." Is it weird that that's enough to make me want to be friends with that person?
4. However you feel about carbon emissions, there is one type of car in San Francisco that everyone hates: taxis. Care to guess how many times in 2 days I heard someone say "Why is your light on if you already have people in? Why? WWWWHHHHYYYYYY???!!!" as a taxi passed them by? That would be five, all from groups of three or more people, all including at least one hot chick and no black people. The number of taxis that were using their light incorrectly that I counted in 20 minutes at a single intersection: 15. Seriously, I wish I had night photography skills so I could photograph every "for hire" light misuse and sell the prints to an art gallery as a metaphor for San Francisco cab drivers being morons who can't remember to flip a damn switch.
Every day is an adventure. FSF.