Thursday, January 20, 2011

How to Blog about Politics

Some of you may find it surprising that a blog about the stupid things people do never discusses the greatest systematized practice of stupidity yet invented by man: politics. If you are also familiar with other blogs by adherents of the Philosophy That Shall Not Be Named, you probably find it strange that I write about anything other than politics.

Believe it or not, politics is a deliberate non-entity on this blog. While I am a board-certified masochist, even I can only take so much. Although I don't have the strength to wallow in the muck of political particulars, I do wish to satisfy my dear readers. In that spirit, then, please accept this meta-analysis as a substitute. Just fill in whatever issue of the day you wish I would cover and choose responses according to your desired ideological leaning, and voila! Instant political commentary.

Title: [Person/Place/Thing] Does Something [Stupid/Smart/Cool]

[Person/Place/Thing] has struck again! According to [trusted mainstream news source link/link to completely unsubstantiated claim on some random website], [person/place/thing] has issued a statement that [he/she/it] will be [further violating our rights/saving babies]. This comes on the tail of [other person/place/thing's] declaration that they will be [screwing us way harder/saving far more babies] than [person/place/thing1].

Here's why this is [stupid/smart/cool]:

This move is clearly going to have far-reaching consequences. It will affect the economy, which is in the crapper right now because of [Obama/Bush/Reagan/George Washington]. It's going to make things so much [worse/better], which should be obvious to anyone who has studied [Mises/Friedman/Keynes].

Aside from the practical economic effects, this is a moral [tragedy/triumph] of enormous proportions. This decision will [destroy freedom/restore democracy and social justice], as anyone familiar with the works of [Ayn Rand/Hayek/some obscure postmodern feminist scholar] can tell you.

Of course it's safe to assume that [conservatives/liberals/both] are wrong about this issue and are saying lots of stupid things about it like [link] and [link]. But that's what you've got to expect when you're corrupted by [mysticism/altruism/both/neither]. Until everyone understands that we [are/are not our brother's keeper], everything will continue to suck and there will be no rainbows for anyone. NO RAINBOWS.

Of course all of this ties back to my pet issue of [immigration/gay marriage/ending circumcision/sending trees to college] in a way that I will merely assert rather than explain while linking to a prior post I wrote on the topic. Then I will bombard you with links that no one will ever read. They will make it look as though I am supporting my position, but most of them just link to other opinion pieces. One or two are actually gay porn. Good luck figuring out which is which.

[Link]
[Link]
[Link]
...etc.

Here's to making the world a better place, one pointless rant that no one reads at a time.

Cheers,

S. Misanthrope

P.S. For more information on how YOU can help send a tree to college today, visit http://mjkelleyblog.blogspot.com/2010/08/my-psa-for-educate-our-forests.html.

3 comments:

  1. lol, this is great. Thanks for the video link!

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  2. Too true. However, I do still follow some political/economic blogs (most notably, the Adam Smith Institute's blog), as well as a small handful of O'ist political bloggers. It keeps me somewhat informed (if at something of a distance) of current events, without having to wade through usual bollocks in a newspaper.

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  3. In that case, feel free to plug "Smith" into the [Mises/Friedman/Keynes] box. There, I just effectively increased your life expectancy by 5 years. You're welcome.

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