Friday, September 10, 2010

Teen Pregnancy IRL

I don't typically research my rants, but, in writing my last post, I started to wonder whether teen pregnancy was this incredibly common thing that I am somehow oblivious to and if that was why it has been showing up all over Hollywood lately. I only knew of one teenager in all my teenage years who was even rumored to have gotten pregnant, but, on the other hand, my friend knew a girl at her Catholic high school in the Midwest who was pregnant with her second illegitimate child at graduation. How common is this, really?

Turns out the latest data, from 2006, showed the first increase in teen pregnancies in over a decade (abstinence-only education, anyone?). 7% of all teenage girls became pregnant in 2006. 7%. Let me say that again: seven fucking percent. And how many, though not smart enough to avoid pregnancy in the first place, were smart enough to terminate? A mere 27%. That means just over 5% of all teenage girls became parents, just in 2006.

Ahem.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

Less than 5% of all people alive today should even be parents at any point in their lives, and you're telling me that 5% of the demographic potentially least qualified to be parents (on a long, long list of unqualified people) are becoming parents each year?

The more you delve into the numbers, the worse it gets. Family income is inversely correlated with teen pregnancy. Among pregnant teens, family income is positively correlated with abortion rates. In New York, New Jersey and Connecticut, half of all teen pregnancies are terminated. In Kentucky, Arkansas, Utah, South Dakota, and Oklahoma, less than 15% are terminated. In other words, of this demographic that should not be parents, the ones most incapable of being parents are the ones carrying to term, producing children they cannot afford to raise properly in a culture saturated with destructive religious ideas that merely promote more of the same behavior, on and on and on, without end.

This is beyond depressing. I'm not sure I can even bring myself to mock this situation. No, wait, yes I can.

Obviously sexual education (hell, our entire culture) needs a major overhaul, and I think I know the right direction to go in. In reviewing these statistics, I noticed an intriguing fact: the pregnancy rate amongst teenage boys is 0%.

Further study is needed before conclusions can be drawn, but I suggest we begin by looking at what behaviors differentiate teenage boys from teenage girls that might explain this vast difference in pregnancy rate. Perhaps it is that they masturbate more, or play more video games. Or perhaps having sex with teenage girls will prevent pregnancy. We should get the top scientists working on this right away, but in the mean time, if you have a teenage daughter, do whatever you can to make her more like a teenage boy. You know, whatever the kids are into these days. It's her best hope for avoiding stretch marks.

With love,

S. Misanthrope

1 comment:

  1. At one point in high school, our entire cheerleading team was pregnant. And I know for a fact that the pristine, pageant-winning face of our peer abstinence advocacy program (or whatever the fuck it was called) was totally getting it on.

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